(This article was published on Gary Craig's Website. Gary Craig - the founder of EFT - is retired now and his website is no longer available.)
This intriguing story by Anja Hertkorn (from Belgium) will be of great interest to those who suffer the effects of being an unwanted child. Note how she "becomes her own client" and gives her imagination free rein.
Thank you for this wonderful tool EFT. I am very amazed about how far one can go with it. I want to share the most incredible process I have experienced with myself. This process happened over a couple of months and I am not sure if every aspect is mentioned. But I am sure you get the message. As there is a constant self-talk going on, I would like to present it as if Anja (me) were a client of mine … which she actually is:
Anja is in her late forties. Her husband is very often abroad, sometimes they don't see each other for two or three weeks. When her husband is abroad, Anja suffers from deep fears, depression, feelings of being trapped, angry, not loved, lost, abandoned, forgotten, not worthy, not in control.
I asked her if she has any physical ailments. She is concerned about her legs, the bad circulation showing up as little burst veins. I asked her what her legs reminded her of. She said that her legs need protection because they are so weak inside. So we started tapping on:
After that round, Anja mentioned she had never had any protection from the beginning of her life. When Anja's mother at 22 years old got pregnant, her boyfriend suggested an abortion and left.
The abortion failed. Some years ago
in a massage therapy session and describes it as being drowned and drawn out of her safety.
Anja had the strong belief she couldn't trust anyone in this world and was very angry at both of her parents. Anja has never met her father. So we tapped on:
Anja was crying a lot as we tapped. The fear of being drowned and dying disappeared, the anger persisted. She couldn't understand why her father had never shown up again and had abandoned her mother.
I suggested that it might be a good idea to talk to him even though he was not there physically. Anja agreed. She had no idea if he was still alive or not, so she imagined him being an angel sitting in front of her in her living room. While tapping the following conversation was going on:
The most important part was to express the love she had kept inside for so long. Her father's name was never mentioned when she grew up in her grandparent's house. Nobody talked about him. After the conversation with her father, Anja didn't feel abandoned anymore when her husband was abroad. The depression and the fear that her husband might never come back, the feeling of being trapped and being out of control persisted.
The grandparents didn't know about the pregnancy of her daughter and the attempt of the abortion. Her mother told her later that her parents had met Anja's father once before the attempt of the abortion and didn't like him because he was a truck driver and had no university degree. He was not good enough. Anja felt she was not good enough either. She had never gone to university herself and felt very bad about that.
Her grandparents kept saying "The poor child!" when they talked to other adults. What was wrong with her? We continued to tap:
It took a long time to clear the grandparents issues. I will not mention every detail. It would go too far.
I asked Anja about her mother. She was very angry at her mother. At the same time she felt very guilty, because her existence had caused so many troubles in her mother's life. After the attempt of the abortion and the departure of her father her mother suffered through depression and consistent fears that her pregnancy would be uncovered. She felt trapped, ashamed, not in control, had no one to talk to, felt totally alone, not loved and very angry. (Please remember the feelings Anja is having when her husband is abroad). So we tapped on:
Anja's mother was so afraid of the reaction of her parents that she decided after three further months to commit suicide. She took a lot of sleeping pills and went to bed. I asked Anja what her mother would have needed in this moment of her life. She said she would have needed someone to talk to. OK, I said, so let's imagine an angel sitting next to her. What would he tap on? Anja was willing to exchange roles with her mother and imagined the angel tapping on her:
There it was - a big sigh of relaxation. Anja said she can see herself, her mom and the angel sitting outside of the sleeping body of her mom. Anja looked at the sleeping body, the angel and her mom and said after a while to her mom, “You know I respect your decision. It is your decision to cross over. I accept it.” (This was the first time ever Anja was accepting that it was not her decision to live or not. Anja had been fighting for her life all the time, now she was letting go.)
And then she saw all the other angels sitting there to help them cross over if needed. It was a very peaceful moment. Her mom glanced at her and suddenly remembered, "Anja, you need to live" and then she jumped right back in the overdosed body. At that moment her mother threw up. She was found by her mother in the morning fast asleep. Three months later
Tears of love and gratitude for her mom were running down her face as Anja came back in the present moment. Her depression, her anger, the feelings of being lost, trapped, out of control as well as the fear he might never come back are gone, when her husband is abroad. No doubt, these two traumatic events including the feelings and thoughts her mother had during the pregnancy were the cause of all the difficult emotional responses to the experiences in her life. I would like to draw the attention to the fact that the feelings of the mother and the not yet born child are linked together and have to be seen as the feelings of one person.
I was dealing with my anger issues before this process happened and, until now, I have had temporary but not lasting results. Healing was only possible as I found the way back to love. I had to go back where it all started. My imagination helped me a lot. I finally got to understand my parents, a necessity during this process.
You know Gary, life is wonderful. Peace is possible. And
finally I can breathe. I wouldn't be surprised if my legs would start
healing now. I'll let you know.